What is what to do when elderly parent refuses to move?

It can be incredibly challenging when an elderly parent refuses to move, even when it seems like the best or safest option. Here's a breakdown of factors to consider and how to approach the situation:

• Understand the Resistance: First, delve into the reasons behind their refusal. Is it Fear of the Unknown (new surroundings, loss of independence), attachment to Familiar Surroundings (home, neighborhood), financial concerns, or a sense of losing control?

• Open Communication: Have a calm, empathetic conversation. Listen actively to their concerns without judgment. Try to understand their perspective before presenting your own.

• Address Concerns Specifically: Once you understand their reasons, address each one directly. For example, if it's about finances, explore different financial options or assistance programs. If it's about losing their home, acknowledge that loss and try to find ways to make the new place feel more like home (bringing familiar furniture, photos, etc.).

• Highlight the Benefits: Instead of focusing on what they're losing, emphasize the benefits of moving. This could include increased safety, reduced maintenance responsibilities, access to better healthcare, or being closer to family.

• Compromise and Gradual Transition: Consider a phased approach. Perhaps they can start with short visits to the new location, or downsize gradually. Maybe they're willing to move to a smaller home in the same neighborhood.

• Involve a Neutral Third Party: Sometimes, hearing the same information from a different source can be helpful. Consider involving a Geriatric Care Manager, therapist, trusted friend, or religious leader.

• Assess Capacity and Safety: If safety is a major concern, you might need to assess your parent's Cognitive Capacity. If they lack the capacity to make sound decisions about their well-being, you may need to explore legal options such as guardianship (consult with an attorney). Consider involving Adult Protective Services if there are concerns about neglect or self-neglect.

• Explore Alternatives: If a full move is off the table, explore alternatives to make their current home safer and more manageable. This could include home modifications (grab bars, ramps), in-home care services, or meal delivery programs.

• Respect their Autonomy (as much as possible): Unless safety is a critical concern and they lack the capacity to make decisions, remember that your parent has the right to make their own choices, even if you disagree with them. Try to find a solution that respects their autonomy while also ensuring their well-being. Recognize the potential for Elder Abuse and ensure actions do not fall under this category.

• Take Care of Yourself: Dealing with a stubborn parent can be emotionally draining. Seek support from other family members, friends, or a therapist.